United We Stand, Divided We Fall

A couple of months ago, I watched a late night documentary about 9/11. I was pushed to tears as I watched in horror, as if the event had just happened. I kept thinking "how could anyone be so evil and take lives like it's nothing?" This subject deserves more than just a wall post on Facebook or a banner on an electronic sign outside of a business, or even a blog on some social networking website. On this very day exactly one decade ago, I was a 5th grader at Code Elementary School sitting in my first class at the same time that unbelievable amounts of people were dying. Our teacher turned the TV onto the news. At that moment, I think that I actually remember watching as the second tower was penetrated and then collapsed. Mothers and Fathers lost their sons, daughters. Wives and Husbands became widowed. Children lost parents and siblings. Friends, family, strangers... We were all victims, some more than others. Since then, many documentaries have been created. Some have just been for the simple purpose of information while others have claimed that the entire tragedy was a scandal created by our own government. Whatever the reason, it doesn't matter. What happened cannot be reversed. Those families will never get to see their loved ones alive again- conspiracy or not. But this day, we REMEMBER those who were caught up in a disaster that took their lives with little or no warning. It's a weakening reminder that any of our lives could be snatched from us in a fraction of a second; however, it is also a moment in history that has strengthened us, as a whole and individuals. We all shared in a loss, but gained some as well. We were angered, frightened, hurt, but above all, united. On that day, we became what everyone has called this nation since we gained our independence- The United States of America, and I say that we have never been so united as we were on September 11, 2001. So we go on living our lives, many of us remembering what happened daily. Time waits for no one, so we learn the importance of making our lives worth something, that in return our deaths will mean something too.


One Nation, Under God, Indivisible.

Your Skin Is An Empty Canvas

Wow, so I never thought that I would be blogging on the subject of tattoos, but I've been thinking about getting one for a while now and need some feedback on which tattoo design people think would best fit me. There are a few reasons I haven't gotten any ink done yet, one being that my boyfriend of over two years does not like them. Of course I want to be respectful of his wishes, while being able to do what I would like to. Another reason is finance; I just haven't had the money to have one done. And finally, there is the fact that I just cannot decide what I would like to have permanently branded into my skin! I mean... it is permanent, as in forever. I've had plenty of ideas for a tattoo floating around in my brain, and I've thought them through very carefully.

Below are sketches that I have drawn out in a small notebook that have turned my mental blueprints into concrete visuals. Although some of these tattoo designs may be common, each one has a meaning which is significant to myself and has not been forged or plagiarized from anyone else.


Sketch 1: A dying tree with stars growing from its branches and flying off of and away from the tree.

Sketch 2: An open bird cage with a bird flying away from its open door.

Sketch 3: A bible verse that has always stuck with me, very symbolic in my life.

Sketch 4: An anchor with a small heart attached to it by a rope.

Now, I need help! I can't decide which one to get done. The placement of any of these will be dependent on which one I choose. I'd really appreciate opinions and comments on the ideas I have. I've definitely thought this through, and I know what I'm getting myself into if I decide to go through with it. Which means negative responses are unnecessary. Thanks! (:

With Love,
                  Britt.

An Apology Worth Reading

I think that it’s about time for someone to step up and say something on this issue. This letter is for the people who hate the Christian faith because of its people. On behalf of these hypocrites that are also self-proclaimed “Christians”, I am so very sorry. I would like to explain to whoever might be reading this the differences in a true Christ follower and a wishy-washy so-called Christian.

                In this day and age, you can’t be too careful about the people you trust or the people you look to as an example in your life. How do you know who you can rely on? Well, I will tell you one thing- you can’t rely on some two-faced, judgmental, self-righteous jerk whose Facebook religious status says “Christian”. The truth of the matter is that he or she is NO such thing. And the people who are looking at us on a daily basis can’t really identify who is and who is not true in their faith; however, other Christians can smell an imposter from a mile away. Their stench is so fowl among our fellowship that it is like a corpse that has been rotting in the heat of the Sun for weeks. They bring a bad name to the church family, and they cannot be trusted.

                I’m not saying that I’m perfect by any means. I have judged others and hurt people close to me. I’ve said things that I shouldn’t have and acted ugly toward people that got on my bad side. But I did it without even thinking at times, and I felt horrible afterward. I apologize when I know that I am wrong or have done wrong to someone, even if I do not really like that person. As a Christian, you make mistakes just like everyone else. We’re human too. We strive to be perfect even though it is not possible on this earth. But we were made in God’s image and worth so much more than the world believes us to be. I’ve heard people say, “I HATE Christians. They are such hypocritical, closed-minded fools. They think they’re better than everyone else.” It hurts when I hear others say that. I am Baptist. I’ve seen people of the Baptist segment of the church look at newcomers of their sanctuary as if they were dirt under their feet… but I want to let you know that they’ll get theirs because the same God that they publically proclaim to worship will put them in their places. They will be punished for their foolishness, whether it be karma that gets them or God Himself that decides their soul’s fate. They are the reason you are so confused and dissatisfied with the faith of a Christ follower.

Sin is sin, and God’s second greatest commandment is to love your fellow man. That means that you are commanded to love every person on this earth- people of different colors, people of different beliefs, people of various cultures or backgrounds. People who have been abused and the abuser alike, addicts and former, prostitutes and pimps. We are all journeying through life together. There is no such thing as being better than another person. If you want me to get real with you, no one’s crap smells like roses. And if you’re reading this, and you are the person I’m talking about thinking you’re better than someone else, you ought to be ashamed of yourself. You are the reason my God has been given a bad name. You are the reason people are dying, not knowing that someone so divine loves us all, even though none of us in this world are even close to deserving of it. Christianity is a peaceful relationship with your maker. It isn’t a religion where people should be damned by their community because they made a mistake or don’t go to church on Sundays.

Forgiveness is key in following Christ because we have been forgiven. The difference in my God and someone else’s god is that mine was crucified and rose again 3 days later- He is still alive! Don’t believe me? 500 hundred witnesses were reported seeing Jesus after 3 days of being deceased. He was alive and had no scarring or marks from his horrible death. He appeared to two women before the 500 saw Him, and His shrouds lay just as they had when they were wrapped around his body. You couldn’t even try to convince me that my God is a God of wrath and only wrath. He loves us, which means that we should love each other. That man in the cubical next to yours at work whispers lies and rumors to you about your boss, then turns around and goes to church on Sundays praising God.  And he is a Christian!? I don’t think so, and I would like to apologize for his kind of person’s behavior. People like him are a scary thing. In my faith, I believe that being a good example to others is extremely significant, especially for those who do not have a relationship with God. As long as you are still breathing, you are always welcome to start loving the Lord. But overall, I do want every one of you out there to know and recognize that not everyone that says they are a Christian really is one. The world is becoming more evil by the day. We have to start watching our backs and picking our friends more wisely. Thank you for reading this. I felt that it needed to be said.

                                                               Sincerely,

                                                                          B. Hartman

Death As We Don't Know It

                The definition of the word death according to dictionary.com is the end of a life; the total and permanent cessation of all the vital functions of an organism. It is a pretty intense term. Some people are afraid to die; others welcome it…

When I die, I don’t care how I go; I just want to feel the warmth of a calm, light-driven abyss wrap itself around me. Death will be my liberation from a world of grief and hopelessness, pain and cruelty. I’ll welcome it with open arms and embrace the temporary darkness that will wash over me like the crashing waves on an empty beach. I will not be afraid, for I know that my riches await me when I take my last terrestrial breath. If anything, I will pity those who are left behind to disperse my ashes; for my deceased bones will see more freedom than flesh of the living.

When I die, I pray to be remembered. They’ll remember me as a hopeful romantic.
They’ll say that I was a lover, a fighter, and a friend because, well, that’s exactly what I am. Hopefully, they’ll remember me for other things too like how I loved my family and my fellow man, and how I loved to show compassion and empathy to those who needed it most.
If those are the things people do not reminisce about when they think of me, then I have failed.

When I die, I will hear a tender voice caressing my ears as if a lover were whispering sweet nothings to me. I hear it say to me awaken, dreamer, you are home. My eyes will open for the first time. I will see things I have never seen before. Maybe I’ll even see things I have seen previously, only in a different light. Whatever my eyes see, I will gaze upon it in prodigious curiosity and wonder, just like I always have. When my soul moves onto its next journey, it will gratefully travel onward with hope, for the soul that inhabits me now is one of good intentions and undying faith.

When I die, I will be whisked away on a star. Certainly, it will carry me to a place that even the most genius of human minds could not conceive. In this implausible dwelling, I’ll fall in love with the physical embodiment of pure faith and love and live like a maiden in a fairytale; only my soul will live happily with no ending. I will forgive the world I left behind for being so unkind to me, but I’ll never forget it when I leave. Maybe I’ll become a guardian to the souls of my loved ones trapped in their earthly flesh when my time comes to depart from my own. I’ll pray for them and see them through life as best I can.

When I die, I will leave this earth knowing that I did my best to live.

A Blog Tribute to Elizabeth Taylor

In memory of the legendary Elizabeth Taylor, this blog is dedicated to a short biography of her life. May she rest in peace.

Elizabeth Taylor, born February 27, 1932, was born in London. Even though she was born in England, both of her parents were American. Following in the footsteps of her mother, she ultimately became an infamous figure in Hollywood as an actress. She was became a star as a child and bloomed into a fierce, beautiful actress in the spotlight. She played in over 60 films in her career. To name a few: A Letter To True, These Old Broads, Malice In Wonderland, Cleopatra, and The Last Time I saw Paris. She was married eight times total and the bride to seven different men, marrying Richard Burton twice. When she wasn't on the acting scene or in the tabloid papers, she was out informing people as the spokesperson of HIV AIDS when a majority of the world saw this disease's victims as a social disgrace. She was the first actress to earn $1 million for a single film (1963's Cleopatra) and never failed to mesmerize her fans in every one of her films. She died on March 23,  2011 at the age of 79 as her close friends and family sat around her. It was concluded that she passed away from congestive heart failure. 

“I Can’t Believe I Did That!”

We’ve all done some pretty questionable things in our lives- like, saying the wrong thing to a troubled friend or wearing that God-awful bright red lipstick when it clearly is not your color. It’s safe to say that most of us are sensible enough to know when we’ve done something that is just unacceptable, but a lot of people claim that they regret nothing they have done in their past.

Well, I call BS!

Everyone has to have some sort of regret. We are human after all and make mistakes on a daily basis. I used to be one of those people that would do something out-there, and tell people that I did not regret doing it because it made me a stronger person and helped build my character. I’ll agree that this is mostly true. Mistakes do shape you depending on how well you handle the aftermath, but they can also break you. Don’t get me wrong, I believe that sometimes bad experiences bring out the best in people and can make them a more desirable person if they deal with it well; however, each person has an “I can’t believe I did that” moment even if they are a better person from it all.

For example, we’ve all dated that douchebag or that total witch that made everyone’s lives miserable at some point in time. You were happy with them for the first month but then things went very sour, very quickly. Your friends would tell you things about this person you considered “your boo”, and you just did not want to believe any of it. When things ended (most likely ending badly), you thought to yourself, wow, what was I thinking!? And of course, you had a good reason for wondering because, really, what were you thinking!?! I know I’ve dated my fair share of guys where I just did not understand what caused me to be attracted to them when it was all said and done. I have also done things that I look back and think, why in the world did I take that option when all it caused me to do is waste time? And relationships are just one of many things that people may regret. I regret dropping out of college because I feel that I have wasted precious time. I could be graduating sooner than later with a degree in journalism or business. Instead, dropping out of school caused me to steer towards a more stressful, less appealing life, and get involved in undesirable situations. Yes, I grew from those situations, but I would not have needed to if I had not been in them to begin with.
I will say that growing is a great thing! So it isn’t that I feel that I did not benefit from certain wrongs in my past, but there are certain times when I have felt that I took the long way around to get to where I wanted to be. And it is times like those that I needed to somehow justify the reasons I did take that long route. It has helped some, but I still feel doubtful that some of the paths I have taken have been the absolute best way to get to my destination. For those of you who don't know what I am talking about, it can be tiring, stressful, and even depressing.

The biggest problem people face when it comes to feeling unhappy about past events is that the “r” word is an ominous term that people see as a sign of weakness. But is that really what it means? I don’t believe so. Regret can be a sign of wisdom and a sign of remorse; however, there is such a thing as an unhealthy amount of regret. It can have a detrimental effect on your health and should be well-balanced in life just like everything else. So, with that being said, if you have feelings of regret, don’t feel alone. Everyone, even if they won’t admit to it, has at least one. (:

The Vulture on My Shoulder

I am the type of person that believes that everything happens for a reason, and that everyone goes through hard times in their lives- I know that I’ve had my fair share of difficulties just like anyone else. Although I don’t like complaining about my personal bad encounters, I would like to share an experience I’ve had with one of the most difficult times in my life; not to complain, but to inform and to inspire. I’d like to show someone that there is always hope in the darkest of times.

Picture yourself, the first day as a senior in high school, 17 years old. You’re on top of the world- you’re making plans for a bright future. You want to move into a college dorm or get an apartment with some friends after graduation. You’ve already applied for scholarships and sent in college applications to your favorite schools. You feel like there is nothing to worry about other than getting that diploma and beginning your journey through a long and happy life finding who you truly are. Then, picture yourself halfway through your senior year… you have been informed that you have a serious health problem; for me specifically, it was thyroid disease. For those of you who do not know anything about the Thyroid, it is a gland on the lower part of your throat that has a similar shape to a butterfly. It is directly linked to metabolism and releases thyroid hormone into the body. It aids your body in the production of energy, regulates your body temperature, and helps other organs in your body to function as well. The symptoms I felt which led my gynecologist to believe I had thyroid issues were constant fatigue and tiredness, extreme mood swings, trouble losing weight, lack of motivation and interest in life, forgetfulness, and depression.

When I went to the doctor I discovered that not only did I have hypothyroidism (thyroid does not produce enough thyroid hormone), but I was also told that I had a nodule on the left side of my thyroid gland. They encouraged me to have a partial thyroidectomy (surgery which they remove part of your thyroid). My parents and I agreed. Unfortunately, once the surgery was done, they still saw things wrong with me. A biopsy showed that the half they had taken and the other half of my thyroid were showing positive for a tumor. I had already been out of school for almost a week after my first surgery and then there was a possibility I’d miss another few weeks. New Year’s Eve of 2008, my doctor commenced to operate and removed the other half of my thyroid gland. Once my surgery was over, I had to wait at least a month before I could be sent to a hospital to be given my radiation treatment, which caused me to be in isolation for 3 days- I could not be within 10 feet of anyone because it would have harmful effects on anyone that came close to me for extended periods of time. Once I was out of isolation, and they saw that there were no signs of any thyroid tissue left, I was able to begin taking my replacement thyroid meds. So, what happens when you do not have that particular gland in your body? Well, after my surgery I gained over 10 lbs. in just water weight. I was constantly tired, and I began cramping all over my body because of the lack of calcium being circulated through my muscles. I had emotional breakdowns and difficulty motivating myself to do anything. I was a serious wreck.

The most hurtful part about all of this was that I felt completely alone… when my doctor told me that I had cancer, I was emotionless. My mom and my dad took it the hardest, and my mama blamed herself. Thyroid disease is hereditary in some cases, or it could’ve been caused by environmental sources, but the cancer was not. Everyone close to me was devastated… it was almost like I had a “marked for death” sign on my forehead. I had already lost quite a few of my friends because I had been at home for 2 months after my surgery and not in school eating lunch with my pals and goofing off with my classmates in between sessions. My life changed, and it felt horrible- but I coped and tried to stay positive. Anyway, it was after all of this that I came to realize how valuable and fragile life is! We think we’re invincible in our youth, that nothing could touch us. I thanked God constantly from the moment I found out about my condition and up to today that He allowed me to live another day. I thanked Him for watching over me and my family. They caught my cancer early. There is no telling what would’ve happened if they had found the tumor years later… They told me that it most likely would have spread, even though it is rare for thyroid cancer to spread to other organs. But it was nonetheless a scary time in my life. I became a happier, more understanding and caring person in the aftermath. You never know when compassion may be a step in someone’s healing process.

If anyone out there is struggling, if there is something weighing you down and making you feel weary and alone… it’s ok to be afraid. You just need to know that there will always be hope. In the words of Ronald Reagan, "I know in my heart that man is good; that which is right will always eventually triumph; and there's purpose and worth to each and every life." Your life is worth something. Your dreams and ambitions are worth something. If you’re just getting by, day by day, remember that your life is precious. It makes the worst of days seem not-so-bad. (: