“I Can’t Believe I Did That!”

We’ve all done some pretty questionable things in our lives- like, saying the wrong thing to a troubled friend or wearing that God-awful bright red lipstick when it clearly is not your color. It’s safe to say that most of us are sensible enough to know when we’ve done something that is just unacceptable, but a lot of people claim that they regret nothing they have done in their past.

Well, I call BS!

Everyone has to have some sort of regret. We are human after all and make mistakes on a daily basis. I used to be one of those people that would do something out-there, and tell people that I did not regret doing it because it made me a stronger person and helped build my character. I’ll agree that this is mostly true. Mistakes do shape you depending on how well you handle the aftermath, but they can also break you. Don’t get me wrong, I believe that sometimes bad experiences bring out the best in people and can make them a more desirable person if they deal with it well; however, each person has an “I can’t believe I did that” moment even if they are a better person from it all.

For example, we’ve all dated that douchebag or that total witch that made everyone’s lives miserable at some point in time. You were happy with them for the first month but then things went very sour, very quickly. Your friends would tell you things about this person you considered “your boo”, and you just did not want to believe any of it. When things ended (most likely ending badly), you thought to yourself, wow, what was I thinking!? And of course, you had a good reason for wondering because, really, what were you thinking!?! I know I’ve dated my fair share of guys where I just did not understand what caused me to be attracted to them when it was all said and done. I have also done things that I look back and think, why in the world did I take that option when all it caused me to do is waste time? And relationships are just one of many things that people may regret. I regret dropping out of college because I feel that I have wasted precious time. I could be graduating sooner than later with a degree in journalism or business. Instead, dropping out of school caused me to steer towards a more stressful, less appealing life, and get involved in undesirable situations. Yes, I grew from those situations, but I would not have needed to if I had not been in them to begin with.
I will say that growing is a great thing! So it isn’t that I feel that I did not benefit from certain wrongs in my past, but there are certain times when I have felt that I took the long way around to get to where I wanted to be. And it is times like those that I needed to somehow justify the reasons I did take that long route. It has helped some, but I still feel doubtful that some of the paths I have taken have been the absolute best way to get to my destination. For those of you who don't know what I am talking about, it can be tiring, stressful, and even depressing.

The biggest problem people face when it comes to feeling unhappy about past events is that the “r” word is an ominous term that people see as a sign of weakness. But is that really what it means? I don’t believe so. Regret can be a sign of wisdom and a sign of remorse; however, there is such a thing as an unhealthy amount of regret. It can have a detrimental effect on your health and should be well-balanced in life just like everything else. So, with that being said, if you have feelings of regret, don’t feel alone. Everyone, even if they won’t admit to it, has at least one. (:

The Vulture on My Shoulder

I am the type of person that believes that everything happens for a reason, and that everyone goes through hard times in their lives- I know that I’ve had my fair share of difficulties just like anyone else. Although I don’t like complaining about my personal bad encounters, I would like to share an experience I’ve had with one of the most difficult times in my life; not to complain, but to inform and to inspire. I’d like to show someone that there is always hope in the darkest of times.

Picture yourself, the first day as a senior in high school, 17 years old. You’re on top of the world- you’re making plans for a bright future. You want to move into a college dorm or get an apartment with some friends after graduation. You’ve already applied for scholarships and sent in college applications to your favorite schools. You feel like there is nothing to worry about other than getting that diploma and beginning your journey through a long and happy life finding who you truly are. Then, picture yourself halfway through your senior year… you have been informed that you have a serious health problem; for me specifically, it was thyroid disease. For those of you who do not know anything about the Thyroid, it is a gland on the lower part of your throat that has a similar shape to a butterfly. It is directly linked to metabolism and releases thyroid hormone into the body. It aids your body in the production of energy, regulates your body temperature, and helps other organs in your body to function as well. The symptoms I felt which led my gynecologist to believe I had thyroid issues were constant fatigue and tiredness, extreme mood swings, trouble losing weight, lack of motivation and interest in life, forgetfulness, and depression.

When I went to the doctor I discovered that not only did I have hypothyroidism (thyroid does not produce enough thyroid hormone), but I was also told that I had a nodule on the left side of my thyroid gland. They encouraged me to have a partial thyroidectomy (surgery which they remove part of your thyroid). My parents and I agreed. Unfortunately, once the surgery was done, they still saw things wrong with me. A biopsy showed that the half they had taken and the other half of my thyroid were showing positive for a tumor. I had already been out of school for almost a week after my first surgery and then there was a possibility I’d miss another few weeks. New Year’s Eve of 2008, my doctor commenced to operate and removed the other half of my thyroid gland. Once my surgery was over, I had to wait at least a month before I could be sent to a hospital to be given my radiation treatment, which caused me to be in isolation for 3 days- I could not be within 10 feet of anyone because it would have harmful effects on anyone that came close to me for extended periods of time. Once I was out of isolation, and they saw that there were no signs of any thyroid tissue left, I was able to begin taking my replacement thyroid meds. So, what happens when you do not have that particular gland in your body? Well, after my surgery I gained over 10 lbs. in just water weight. I was constantly tired, and I began cramping all over my body because of the lack of calcium being circulated through my muscles. I had emotional breakdowns and difficulty motivating myself to do anything. I was a serious wreck.

The most hurtful part about all of this was that I felt completely alone… when my doctor told me that I had cancer, I was emotionless. My mom and my dad took it the hardest, and my mama blamed herself. Thyroid disease is hereditary in some cases, or it could’ve been caused by environmental sources, but the cancer was not. Everyone close to me was devastated… it was almost like I had a “marked for death” sign on my forehead. I had already lost quite a few of my friends because I had been at home for 2 months after my surgery and not in school eating lunch with my pals and goofing off with my classmates in between sessions. My life changed, and it felt horrible- but I coped and tried to stay positive. Anyway, it was after all of this that I came to realize how valuable and fragile life is! We think we’re invincible in our youth, that nothing could touch us. I thanked God constantly from the moment I found out about my condition and up to today that He allowed me to live another day. I thanked Him for watching over me and my family. They caught my cancer early. There is no telling what would’ve happened if they had found the tumor years later… They told me that it most likely would have spread, even though it is rare for thyroid cancer to spread to other organs. But it was nonetheless a scary time in my life. I became a happier, more understanding and caring person in the aftermath. You never know when compassion may be a step in someone’s healing process.

If anyone out there is struggling, if there is something weighing you down and making you feel weary and alone… it’s ok to be afraid. You just need to know that there will always be hope. In the words of Ronald Reagan, "I know in my heart that man is good; that which is right will always eventually triumph; and there's purpose and worth to each and every life." Your life is worth something. Your dreams and ambitions are worth something. If you’re just getting by, day by day, remember that your life is precious. It makes the worst of days seem not-so-bad. (:

If Walls Could Talk...

Recently, I have had this epiphany.
Everything has a meaning and almost anything can be turned into something meaningful.
For instance, a house.
Houses are built for security and stability-a shell of something much deeper. They are a symbol of family and social life. They are boxes to hide secrets away from the world, and every house has at least one. None of them are perfectly infrastructured. There are stains in the carpet, cracks in the walls. Cobbwebs are in the nooks and crannies of some homes. Ants and termites find their way in through any opening. Even human error makes a house imperfect. There are unlevel shelves and doorways. The floors creak and hardwood chips away.
People are somewhat similar. The shell of a human being is only as deep as the bricks that cover the exterior of a home- skin deep. People decorate the surface with colors and shiny things that distract others from seeing who we really are. We hold things inside of us that we do not let out until someone opens a door to our soul- but rarely does that ever happen. When it does though... the someone that opens that door will step into a room where everything is clearly presented; for no one truly knows a person until they have entered the deepest dimensions of the soul; however, there are exceptions. People who are free spirited constantly open and close doors to their inner-being. I should know... I am one. We open our souls to new people, places, and ideas all of the time. It is the elite few of these "free-spirits" that keep the world alive- people who care about the simpler things in life.
So a house is only a house to someone who simply lives there to have a place to call home; but it could be so much more. A house could be the soul of a person, or where it all began for them. Love the place you're in because it shapes who you are, which will in the future create someone else... maybe someone you'd like to be. (: